Parenting By Connecting: An Excellent Modern Concept

If you haven't heard about connected parenting, it is an interesting concept used by many parents in the modern era to raise their children with kindness instead of by other forms of discipline. Many people in this current generation of new parents can remember being raised with yelling, strong words, and shame. While we believe that this is the best way to raise a child, there are alternatives which may in the long term be more effective for raising children who are well adjusted and happy.

Handinhandparenting.com in their article accessed by clicking here talks about this new type of parenting. They talk about when you were a kid, and being reprimanded in front of others. Most often, we remember the shame, but not the actual lesson or words that our parents were trying to convey to us. The writers of this article feel that this harsh type of discipline is not very effective, and does not need to be practiced on our own children. In other words, the cycle of shaming and harsh discipline can be changed, and we can practice a new type of parenting.

This type of discipline comes from the basic feeling that our children are bad, and that they must be punished. While the punishment is supposed to have the effect of making them not repeat the same actions, all too often it simply causes more acting out, more aggression, and the need for more of the same type of discipline.

However, the type of parenting talked about in this article starts with the fundamental view that your children are inherently good. That perhaps in the heat of the moment, they have forgotten that goodness, and have chosen to act out of fear or anger. But you, as their parent, are uniquely capable of showing them love, and thus bringing them back to themselves. Perhaps it is helpful to realize that you also have moments when you are not being your best self. Moments when you lash out or act from a place of fear. Moments when you are overcome with emotion and your best judgement flies out of the window. When your children have the same situation, it might be better to realize that they are like you rather than starting to yell or try to cause them to feel shame.

When the mind of a child is overrun by emotions, then "..no amount of lecturing, explaining, or reasoning you do while he is in this state will help him access his better judgment. He hit, he kicked, ...because his mind was overrun by feelings." So, the proposal of the authors is that a connection with you will restore your child to a calmer state of mind. What this means is that a small quiet nudge with few words will be more effective. Calm words that bring a limit to the offensive behavior, without also bringing shame or yelling, can help to calm the child out of their emotional tense state. Most importantly, you bring your love and understanding. The child is not seen as bad, only the behavior. You stop the behavior, and then bring love.

When you bring the limit to your child, without reprimanding or shaming, you show them that you know that they are good, and that when the emotions have lost their grip, they will be back to their usual self. When your child is disconnected, practicing this type of parenting can help to bring connection. When your child is off-track, these actions on your part can help bring the limits to their behavior that is needed. Then, they may have a tantrum, they may cry, they may just express their feelings to you in words. In the words of the article, "You can be confident that your example, day in and day out, shows your child all they will ever need to know about generosity, thoughtfulness, caring, and sharing."

It would seem that this method of parenting holds a great deal of promise for raising children in a loving and kind way, helping them to learn to set limits on their own behavior, and getting away from the harsh discipline methods that have been used in the past. Since it is a new method, there is less reliable research to go on that this technique is effective, but it would seem that there will soon be happier, better adjusted kids who were raised in a loving, connected way, while still learning that there are limits to what they should do.

Massage therapy is also being used to help children deal with the stress of their lives and emotions. If you would like to learn more about massage therapy, please click here to visit our kids massage page.

Massage For Children: Even Younger Kids Get Stressed

Children's massage is not at all a new development, though it is not nearly as popular in the US as it is worldwide. In many traditional cultures, massage for children is commonplace and nearly ubiquitous, such as is the case in India. The most common reaction to the idea that Pediatric Massage helps children ease stress is the notion that kids live stress-free lives. Nothing is further from the truth, and those of us with good memory recall can remember just how stressful childhood was.

Even in a well-adjusted child, living in a caring family, there is opportunity for stress. As "grown-ups", we tend to patronize children, insisting that playing with Babies can't be quite so stressful, and "real" stress begins with having a job and family - real responsibilities! However, such an idea is actually insulting to kids' real experiences, as it is a well known fact among those studying child development that kids get stressed too.


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Kids Massage At Home For Children Experiencing Health Issues

Many people think that children can’t really benefit from massage. It is believed that kids don’t suffer from stress, or other health issues that can benefit from massage. However, there are many common issues that children can experience which may benefit from massage therapy.

One very common condition that infants and toddlers experience is colic. This is an issue with unknown causes which makes children cry for more than three hours per day and more than three days per week. Massage therapy has been shown to have some beneficial effects of infant colic. See our studies page for more details on massage and colic.

Another condition that children often suffer from that has been shown to benefit from massage therapy is anxiety. A study published in the Journal of Pediatric Psychology in 1999 showed that children suffering from anxiety caused by their condition of cystic fibrosis had improved mood and sleep after massage therapy, as well as less anxiety caused by their condition.

Another study regarding anxiety and depression with regard to children who had depression and adjustment disorder showed that giving the children a 30 minute back massage every day for a five day period had reduced levels of anxiety and depression. The self reported findings were also correlated with nurse reports and salivary cortisol level tests. Nighttime sleep for these patients also increased during the time of the study.

One uncommon complaint of infants and children are migraines and headaches. Some children have constant migraines and headaches, and although it is rare, this is a condition that can be successfully helped without drugs or surgery with massage therapy. A study published in Annual Behavior and Medicine in 2006 showed positive benefits for people suffering from migraines who were given frequent massages. Another study published in the Journal of Headache Pain in 2011 showed that massage therapy, as well as chiropractic spinal manipulation, physiotherapy, and relaxation were as effective as two of the most commonly prescribed drug therapies for migraine. The results of these studies are promising for individuals seeking a non-pharmacologic treatment for migraines, especially with regard to children who may be too young to take the prescription medications.

Craniosacral therapy has also demonstrated effectiveness on migraines sufferers, in many cases causing alleviation of migraine symptoms for one month or more from a single treatment. Since craniosacral therapy helps to gently move the bones of the spine, particularly those of the occiput and sacrum, it is likely that some migraines may be caused by incorrectly aligned spinal bones. The results of these studies are very promising to those suffering from migraines, especially small children.

These studies explored above show that massage therapy can have very beneficial effects on children suffering from certain medical conditions. While this is the case, ordinary children who do not currently suffer from any medical conditions can also benefit from massage therapy, both as a preventative measure and as a way to alleviate stress and tension caused by everyday living, including schoolwork and other obligations.

If you are interested in learning more about pediatric massage therapy, please check out our website by clicking here.