If you haven't heard about connected parenting, it is an interesting concept used by many parents in the modern era to raise their children with kindness instead of by other forms of discipline. Many people in this current generation of new parents can remember being raised with yelling, strong words, and shame. While we believe that this is the best way to raise a child, there are alternatives which may in the long term be more effective for raising children who are well adjusted and happy.
accessed by clicking here talks about this new type of parenting. They talk about when you were a kid, and being reprimanded in front of others. Most often, we remember the shame, but not the actual lesson or words that our parents were trying to convey to us. The writers of this article feel that this harsh type of discipline is not very effective, and does not need to be practiced on our own children. In other words, the cycle of shaming and harsh discipline can be changed, and we can practice a new type of parenting.
This type of discipline comes from the basic feeling that our children are bad, and that they must be punished. While the punishment is supposed to have the effect of making them not repeat the same actions, all too often it simply causes more acting out, more aggression, and the need for more of the same type of discipline.
However, the type of parenting talked about in this article starts with the fundamental view that your children are inherently good. That perhaps in the heat of the moment, they have forgotten that goodness, and have chosen to act out of fear or anger. But you, as their parent, are uniquely capable of showing them love, and thus bringing them back to themselves. Perhaps it is helpful to realize that you also have moments when you are not being your best self. Moments when you lash out or act from a place of fear. Moments when you are overcome with emotion and your best judgement flies out of the window. When your children have the same situation, it might be better to realize that they are like you rather than starting to yell or try to cause them to feel shame.
When the mind of a child is overrun by emotions, then "..no amount of lecturing, explaining, or reasoning you do while he is in this state will help him access his better judgment. He hit, he kicked, ...because his mind was overrun by feelings." So, the proposal of the authors is that a connection with you will restore your child to a calmer state of mind. What this means is that a small quiet nudge with few words will be more effective. Calm words that bring a limit to the offensive behavior, without also bringing shame or yelling, can help to calm the child out of their emotional tense state. Most importantly, you bring your love and understanding. The child is not seen as bad, only the behavior. You stop the behavior, and then bring love.
When you bring the limit to your child, without reprimanding or shaming, you show them that you know that they are good, and that when the emotions have lost their grip, they will be back to their usual self. When your child is disconnected, practicing this type of parenting can help to bring connection. When your child is off-track, these actions on your part can help bring the limits to their behavior that is needed. Then, they may have a tantrum, they may cry, they may just express their feelings to you in words. In the words of the article, "You can be confident that your example, day in and day out, shows your child all they will ever need to know about generosity, thoughtfulness, caring, and sharing."
It would seem that this method of parenting holds a great deal of promise for raising children in a loving and kind way, helping them to learn to set limits on their own behavior, and getting away from the harsh discipline methods that have been used in the past. Since it is a new method, there is less reliable research to go on that this technique is effective, but it would seem that there will soon be happier, better adjusted kids who were raised in a loving, connected way, while still learning that there are limits to what they should do.
Massage therapy is also being used to help children deal with the stress of their lives and emotions. If you would like to learn more about massage therapy, please click here to visit our kids massage page.